Flatter or Perish (Humorous Declamation)

They say flattery gets you nowhere. Well, if they had bothered to take my opinion on that, I would surely have said: “Flattery gets you anything, anywhere…” Because, you see, nowadays, every time I look around, I see fake smiles and false praises as a flourishing business.

Students (especially girls) flatter their “favourite” teachers. It’s sickening the way they throw compliments just to get good marks and are ready to do…like absolutely anything for them. And these “favourites”…they change every block! For example: It’s the Maths block and the students are going on and on about, “Oh! How pretty you look today Ms. XYZ.” And “Oh my GOSH! That dress suits you sooo much!” The bell rings and the teacher walks out with a big smile on her face. “Phew! That’s over,” a great sigh of relief erupts from the class. But next moment, the Geography teacher walks in…and “Oh look, she’s got the term papers in her hand!” “I did horrible; oh I know I did horrible!” And when they greet her, you might be sure, they add quite a few compliments after that monotonous, sing-song, lullaby-like “Assalam-u-Alaikum, teacher!” “Oh, you’re my favourite teacher!” and “Oh my God, you look so pretty in that dress!” But she, for one, isn’t taken in and the students are left crushed.

Well, to tell the truth, I butter up my teachers too. But, I’m always sure to add: “This is a sincere compliment, teacher.” But nobody believes me! Not even my all-time, ultra favourite teachers. Poor me!

And then, there’s flattery at work. Your office neighbour is gushing on and on about the Boss’s marvellous new tie like a big baby, and you just sit there making faces. Next thing you know, that guy has been promoted to the Manager Post, and you just have to put on a “happy face” and go and congratulate him, even though you pretty much know, that you are much more experienced and deserving than him, of all people. But, you didn’t flatter, so you have to face the music now.

And there’s my brother…who “compliments” me, whenever he wants me to complete his home assignments, which is totally ridiculous, because, at fifteen, I do not understand engineering. He often says: “You’re so sweet, you could put Hershey’s out of business,” which again, makes absolutely no sense at all. Because, you know, the best chocolate Hershey’s has ever manufactured is dark chocolate, and that is not sweet.

See…?? Flattery goes on everywhere! I think at least 80% of the people who live on this teeny globe, have chosen this as their life’s motto: “Flatter or Perish”. And those poor remaining 20%, people like me, we do perish.

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4 thoughts on “Flatter or Perish (Humorous Declamation)

  1. What about those who do not flatter people? Those who criticize people to make them improve in what they are lacking? Do they perish too?

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